


He Would Have Died

by Oliver_966



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, Post-Episode: s04e02 The Lying Detective, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-14 05:36:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17502617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oliver_966/pseuds/Oliver_966
Summary: Everyone asks the same useless questions."What would you have done if John hadn't gotten there in time."As if the answer isn't obvious.





	He Would Have Died

**Author's Note:**

> This is a slight au I think because I'm fairly sure that in the actual episode Sherlock had the like morphine or whatever replaced with water and therefore was in no real danger but whateevverrrr cause this headcanon is in my head and I wanted to write a quick lil thing about it.

“Sherlock what if John hadn’t gotten there in time!”   
That’s what everyone insists upon asking him as if he isn’t well aware of what would have happened.  
He knows what would have happened. He isn’t stupid.

He would have died.

He thinks of the cane, placed by the hospital bed John put him in, and he almost regrets that John did come for him. He had known it would happen. He had known John would attack him, and he knows John had earned the right to attack him. He knew that he would be put in the hospital and that John would bring the cane…

He knew it would happen… but it still hurts that it did happen.

“What if John hadn’t gotten there in time.”

He would have died. He would have died knowing no one would miss him. He had already died once. Oh, Mrs. Hudson would have been a bit upset, Lestrade as well… perhaps even Mycroft.

But Sherlock has already died once, and he knows who cared. He knows that even now if he died, John wouldn’t care.

“Sherlock dear, that was too dangerous! What would have become of you if John hadn’t arrived in time!”

He would have died.  
He would have died alone, looking at the cane, and knowing John had decided he didn’t deserve to be saved anymore.  
He would have died agreeing.

“Brother mine, what was your escape plan for if Dr. Watson hadn’t come to your rescue?” 

He wouldn’t have escaped.   
He would have died.  
He would have died and then he would never have to look in the mirror and see the face of the man who killed Mary Watson ever again.  
He would have died and for a moment he could have pretended he was dying in an aquarium the way he was meant to 

Sherlock Holmes knew John Watson would get a new therapist, he knew who that therapist would be, he knew John would attack him in that hospital, he knew John would bring the cane into the hospital room. He knew that all with almost no room for error.

The chance of John coming to that room in time to save him was %10-15.

Sherlock had planned to die. John coming to save him was simply him being too afraid to completely kill himself.

“Sherlock, I wasn’t going to save you. I only did because I saw the video Mary sent you. Sherlock, what would have happened if I hadn’t gotten there in time?”

He would have died.  
He would have died to Culverton Smith.  
He would have died with the words “Anyone but him” in his head.  
He would have died a high functioning sociopath.

He should have died. He failed his promise to John. He killed Mary.  
Everyone asks what would have happened had John not come to save him, but they all know.   
They think there was no chance John wouldn’t have thought, just like there was no chance John wouldn’t bring in the cane.  
There was meant to be next to no chance John would save him though… So really everyone should be asking, “What will you do now that your plans have failed.”

He’s glad they aren’t though because the answer is less straightforward.   
He doesn’t know.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, ik it's short but I'm trying to get back into writing. I have about a million short lil fics like this about Sherlcok dealing with the emotional aftermath of Eurus but like mehhh I can't find the inspiration to finish them. This is sooo short but at least it exists~


End file.
